…given a topic of x public interest, where x = [.05, 1.00];
…given a name length of less than ten syllables (as per Wikipedia entry);
…given a double-entendre potentiality of y > .05;

The following holds true:

- There will be a band of that topic name
- There will be a link to a disambiguation page in order to differentiate between the topic itself and its identically-named band on the appropriate Wikipedia page
- A reader will be directed to the band’s page instead of the topic’s page .5(100xy) percent of the time, leading to
- Confusion and distress when realizing that the band, “Disambiguation (disambiguation)” is only a recursive internet phenomena, and does not actually produce music.

Distance-wise, I mean.  In metric.  Consider the following bastardization of mathematics:

For instance, if you are examining something, it is undergoing examination.  But if you’re vacating something, it is not undergoing vacation.  This does not make sense.

Additionally, if you are indicating something, you are making an indication.  Indicate, drop the e, add an -ion.  But, if you are proclamation something, and you do the reverse, then you wind up with proclamate.  And you do not proclamate much of anything nowadays.

Similarly, prefixes don’t work all the time either.  If you have something that is insatiable, then it’s not able to be satiated.  So, naturally, something that isn’t inventive would just be ventive, right?  Wrong.  And a reaction to a relationship can’t be countered with an equal and opposite action to a lationship.  That’s just not how these things work.

Flammable things are even worse because inflammable things are also flammable.  But indecisive people aren’t the same as decisive people.  And if you say that someone with, say, HIV and MRSA, has a bad diagnosis, you could also say that someone with HIV, MRSA and the flu might have a pretty bad triagnosis, no?  Or, just the flu — they’ve got a bad monagnosis.

Well — they don’t.  But their prognosis isn’t too hot.  If there’s two of them?  They’ve got two prognoses.  PrognosIs → prognosEs.  But over my mouth, I don’t have two noses, I only have one nosis.

Also: here’s something funny about the word indignation (a thing I’m doing a hell of a lot of right now):  If you’re not indignant, then you might be dignant. Right?  And there’s only one of me.  So I’m just monognant.  Say that word out loud.  It’s a great word.  Use it some time today.

It’s 1.5T.  For people that don’t know, that’s very very big.  We’re talking ‘damn, that’s big‘-big.
If you took all of the original Apple Macintosh computers sold (70,000 of them, each with 128K) and put them all together, you’d only need eight of my new friends to one-up their cumulative memory.
The best part is this: My hard drive only cost $60 (quite nice, when considering the Macintosh 128K option would have cost around $175 million).

Alas, I wasn’t satisfied to simply know that my drive was 1.5 terabytes.  I needed to know what that meant.

Fun fact: The human genome is approximately three billion base pairs long.

Let’s assume for a moment that we were to store the human genome on a traditional memory system.  That is, eight bits account for every possible character we could use.  (Technically, we only need four… A, T, G, and C… but we’ll use 8bit anyhow).  We need one byte per base pair. That means we need (3bil)(8) = 24 billion bits.

Well, if you work your way up the scale (bit → byte → kb → mb → gb → Tb), you wind up with a single human genome taking up .003 terabytes of storage space.  1.5 TB divided by .003 TB is 500.  Which means that I could (in all likelihood) store the (complete) genomes of 500 people on my hard drive.

Except, unfortunately, that’s not nearly enough.  If I am to take over the world, I’m going to need far more than 500 people encoded in my DNA library.  But let’s pretend for a moment that (for some reason) I want the complete genomes of these folks.  That’s right — I won’t settle for the summarized genomes (the ones that leave out all of the common stuff and non-functioning DNA).  I want the whole thing — every single base pair.

How would one store more than those 500 genomes?

Simple.  Now, instead of using an 8-bit system (where the binary representation system allows for 2*2*2*2*2*2*2*2 (2^8), or 256 different characters, I can decide to use a two-bit system (so it’s 2*2, or only four different characters).  Now, a ‘jByte’ is only two bits long.  So a single regular byte can carry 128 base pairs.

Now, a single genome takes up 2.14 × 10^-5 (or 0.0000214) terabytes.  This is good news.  Now we can store over 70,000 human genomes on a single 1TB hard drive.  I’m only 99,999 hard drives away from having every human genome on earth.

Life’s good.

In Fermi Mathematics, the mathematician arrives at a Fermi Answer (aptly named, no?) by estimating benchmark numbers and extrapolating.  Then, when an answer is approximated, the number part is dropped, and the order of magnitude is returned (…“returned”…? Sorry, I’m feeling a bit C++-function-y today).  The questions are rarely realistic or applicable in every-day life, but they emphasize worldliness and good number sense.

Take, for instance, the following problem:

Bill Gates cashes in all of his money one day, and exchanges it for singles.  Then, he puts all of the singles underneath his mattress and gets in bed.  The following morning, he wakes up and falls out of bed.  How long does it take him to hit the ground?

 Well, first, we’ve gotta determine how much Mr. Gates is worth.  A Google search tells us he’s got about $53 billion.  Already, my self-confidence is dwindling.

Now let’s determine  how big a mattress is, and how many singles will fit underneath it.  A mattress, and, let’s be real here, Bill’s probably got some giant Emperor-of-the-World-Bed, but a regular King-sized mattress is around 76″ x 80″.  A dollar bill is approximately 2.5″ x 6″.   By dividing the mattress by the bill, we determine that approximately $400 fit, one layer deep, under Bill’s bed.  Is there some discrepancy, because the bills won’t fit perfectly under Bill?  Sure.  Luckily, because the difference is within in the same order of magnitude (that is, it’s not going to make the number $40 or $4000, it’ll be pretty close to 400), we can discount that.

Now, how many layers are there?  This one’s easy.   132,500,000.  Now, not so easy: How thick is that?   Well, one dollar bill is .004″ thick, so 573,819 inches for the whole stack, or approximately nine miles (15km).

So now Willy rolls out of bed.  And falls.

d = (v’t) + [½(at)]²

15,000m = 0 + (½)(9.8)(t)²

15,000 = 4.9t²

122 = 4.9t = 25s

So, assuming this man lives in a vacuum (otherwise, we’ve got terminal velocity to consider), it takes 25 seconds to hit the floor.

But, no one lives in a vacuum.  So….

…around 60 seconds.

That’s right folks — it’d take him around a minute to touch down.

I absolutely hate intense math, but I like doing Fermi mathematics for two reasons: One, Fermi answers are totally ambiguous, since you can do the same problem twice and arrive at two completely different answers… and Two, Fermi answers are generally un-check-able, so you can do the problem twice, and no one can make fun of you.

For instance, at the current gas prices, if you throw your car into neutral when going downhill on the highway, you can save about a third of a cent every second.
…admittedly, that one isn’t nearly as impressive.

Unfortunately, there isn’t any way to upload a non-photo file to WordPress blagoblags, so the only way I could easily place these on the site was to pretend they were photos.  At the end of each filename of an uploaded program, there’s a .jpg hanging out.  If you remove that .jpg from the downloaded file, it’ll be a working TI-Calc program.  Granted, it won’t run on your computer (though if you want one that’ll work on your computer, I’ll make one for that too…) but once you put it on your calculator, it’ll make great things happen.  Guaranteed.

School-buddies; if you’re REALLY nice to me, I’ll just give you the programs straight onto your calculator rather than you having to go through this lame contrived system.  Is it worth having to spend that much time with me as I write up the program (or copy it over)?  Probably not.  But there’s only one way to find out.

I’m not talking about the Objectivists, whose over-analysis of novella in the past always seems to return with a vengeance, destroying any remnants of respect society has for them centuries after their philosophy is borne from the quiet womb of some revolutionary’s brain.

Nor am I talking about the democracy-seeking rioters whose actions in the Middle-East always seem to get things blown up.

No — I speak on a far more profound level: the level of high school biology class.

As is common knowledge, high-school science class (or college, as the case may be) often includes what professors and teachers have lovingly termed ‘sexing’ fruit-flies.  To those of you who never took such a class; sexing a fly is when you look at a fly under a high-power magnification, and see whether its hindquarters are boy-shaped or girl-shaped.  Additionally, you check to see if its front legs have hairs — hairs used to latch on to an unsuspecting female during the  mating process.

For those who have yet to take this course; do not (and I repeat: DO NOT) develop a crush on someone in your biology class during the fly-sex year.  Because somehow, Kafka-style, you’ll always wind up dreaming about being sedated, and then having passionate sex with them — as a fly.  It’s both revolting and revolting (yes yes: Revolting squared!).  Additionally; both my mother and I had dreams following this laboratory in which giant-ass flies take over the earth (or at least, eat stuff, smash stuff, and, overall, make bad things happen).  Few things are as disturbing as a giant fly.  Trust me.

I admit, I’ve not had that exact sensual dreaming experience; though I do have numerous (that is, more than three) friends that have reported such an occurrence in their dreaming experience.  Nothing like compound-eyes over a watering proboscis to get you in the mood.

Anyhow, in order to get these flies to lay still as you examine their naughty bits, a chemical similar to chloroform is used (bonus pickup line: “Does this smell like chloroform to you?”).  In my class, we use a proprietary “Fly-Nap”, although any sedative can be used.  And it always bothered me how these flies thought they were just having a great time when, in reality, we were about to prod them and slide them across what seems to them to be miles of notecards, under a tremendous microscope.  (From which they’ve got a great view of our eye.)

I always wondered if there was one fly, all the way on the opposite side of the test-tube from the sedative, that realized that all of his peers were getting high (and subsequently passing out) as the Fly-Nap wand grew closer to them.

They’d all be shouting, “hey, Harvey!  You gotta try this stuff, it’s fuckin’ trippy as hell, bro!”, as Harvey, always the observational intellectual, stood, shaking his oblong head, holding his miniature breath.  As they, one by one, fell, sighing in happiness, to the effects of the powerful chemical toxin that raped their nostril-counterparts and soon decimated all brain-function, they’d be under the complete impression that their subservience to the human experimenters would be well-rewarded with another Fly-Nap trip, which they’ve lovingly come to call “fnapps” (it’s slightly more pronounceable when you’ve got a segmented mouth).  And Harvey, gripped by fear, shrinking to the back of the bottle, feigning unconsciousness, breathing through the next of his t-shirt stretched over his face, would watch in horror as his mates were flung onto a slide — grip as hard as he could as the bottle was shaken — and finally lose his grasp as the fnapps riddled his neurons, falling into his own subconsciousness — and onto the lab desk.

The fresh air likely soon would revitalize him… But as he awoke from his fnapps-induced coma, his friends were still mercifully passed out.  And, as Harvey would turn to crawl away — an ill-placed notebook would prematurely end his life.

And his subservient, conformist contemporaries would go on to the next stage of the experiment.  After their drug trip, they’d be put in a coed orgy-bottle.

That, unknowingly, was the choice Harvey The Fly made when he chose freedom over conformity.  He chose death over massive orgy.

Explain the justice in that one.

Incidentally, that entire train of thought was comprised entirely during a fly-lab procedure during school and during an hour-long conversation with my mom.  Both instances ended with me saying, “Geez, I should blog about this.” (Shortly afterward, I realized how pitiful that sounded — but I didn’t care.  So there you go — The unabridged Fly-Nap stream-of-consciousness blog post.  Sorry if it sucked — it’s late at night and I didn’t remember all of my cleverer bits).

But there are certain forms to be followed when pirating music (ah yes, that kind of pirate).  Now, I admit, I have been known to dabble in the Dark Arts of piratization in the industrializing Information Age of technology…  But I do feel that artists deserve a cut of their own profits, since they rarely get all of it.  In fact, they rarely get much of it at all.  I’d imagine the average music-producer makes more on themselves via their own stocks that they’ve not sold than they do on the profit pulled.

On that (horrifyingly depressing) note, there are certain behaviors a pirate must have when partaking in the booty.  This is not some free-for-all where you can take as much music as you want, and assume the system is there to serve you; it’s a well-structured machine that is a harmonious balance between stealing (that’s you) and stealing (that’s the publishing corporations).

FROSTWIRE CONVERTS

Yes, you – you know who you are…  You’re the one that was heart-broken when Limewire went south, and then heart-broken when Limewire went south (again), and then, this most recent time, you grudgingly switched over to FrostWire, their suggested alternative.  “It’s just not the same.  It’s not as good,” you grumbled, as you pored over the identical interface (save for color) and the identical controls, and the identical slews of porn and virus flotsam.

Or perhaps you were a Frostwirer all along – citing the fact that you’re 25% hipster, so you didn’t do what everyone else was doing (WRONG: You were just doing it with a less popular client).  When everyone was still Liming, you were Frosting.  Delicious.

Sure, you can find an occasional good sound on there, but normally the machine is just chock full of gonorrhea in “EXACTLY YOUR SEARCH TERMS (Full Version).mp3”-form.  I’m awfully sorry, but this is just the way it is.

That being said, occasionally, the program serves a decent purpose.  So, enjoy.  However, some rules to keep in mind:

1.  Don’t get miffed at your source’s spelling habits.  “the Experament” is going to sound virtually identical to your REAL song, and renaming that song once it’s in iTunes is still relatively cheaper than the 99c it would have cost you otherwise.

2.  Don’t question the naming-habits of your sources.  “Billy’s mp3 Dance Party” may show up as the “Album” of the song in iTunes, but it’s still not permanent.  Nor is “Latisha’s Muzak”.  (I’ve got both of those buried SOMEWHERE in my iTunes… Just so you know.)  Just fix it.

3.  You’re not a White Collar criminal because you can use Limew-sorry: Frostwire.  So when you get that Cease And Desist letter in the mail, that’s your cue to bow out.  Also; don’t share it with your friends.  The fact that you got caught MEANS you’re not a good pirate.  It’s not a sign of badassery, it’s simply a sign of failtasticness.

YouTube Rippers

I’ve got quite a few songs from YouTube, via mp3 downloading sites.  I feel bad about it, and guilty.  It’s like…. Bad.

Anyhow, here are your rules:

1.  Don’t call yourself an audiophile based solely on this music.  It’s got the sound bitrate of the Gameboy Color (which, again, I’ve got), so these songs don’t qualify as ‘good-quality’.

2.  The songs you get from YouTube should be limited to those you can’t find elsewhere.  Because, again – YouTube’s a video place.  Not a sound place.  Normally the sound quality is bunk.  Kind of like Ophiucus. Incidentally, the Amazon Kindle had Ophiucus on it as part of the screen saver slideshow AGES before the news about a 13th sky-guy went viral.  Just sayin’ – I knew first.  Booyah.

3.  Don’t send these mp3s to your friends.  It’s just….  It makes them feel like you don’t think they deserve better quality.

Again: Unless they can’t be found elsewhere.  In that case, awesomesauce, go for it.

Exception: Jackie Alexander.  You’re exempt from all of this because you send me great music, and I love you lots.

Torrenters

Well, you guys are pretty decent, I’ll admit.  As organization and cleanliness goes, you’re ALMOST unbeatable.  Though you need to stop with all of the arguments that go on in the ‘comments’ section of ThePirateBay.  I’m not sure the existence of God has anything to do with Tokyo Police Club.  I may, of course, be mistaken.  Seeders/Leechers is also a problem — there are plenty of you that are afraid to seed (perhaps wisely) because of the danger associated with helping out a contemporary.  Bu hao.

However, you guys DO get cred for efficiency.  Click.  Boom. Done.  None of the babysitting that often accompanies the other methods, and it’s normally rather fast.  The only problem is REEEEALLLLY obscure music.  I mean — so obscure, Adam Barrameda hasn’t heard of it.  Sometimes, ze lo sham.

Spotify + ReplayMusic’ers

Congratulations.  You’ve become virtually invincible.  And, while I don’t mean to toot my own horn (if I’m finding music sans cash, this is where iss goin’ down), this is the way to do it.  Reasonable sound, and you’re invisible.  Of course, the music download takes exactly as long as the song itself, but, in my experience, that’s often faster (especially since it’s a guarantee that it’ll sound as you imagine — oft-times, other sources aren’t what you were looking for — and you can only tell a few hours after starting the download).  If you’re not sure what this option is – perhaps you should email me [obligatory bit now] so I can explain to you how wrong stealing is.  Yes, that’s the educational bit you can glean from this post.

Bonus: identify the two foreign languages I used here in order to win points.

If you weren’t aware: WordPress automagically blocks a lot of spam comments (if you tell it to).  Here’s a bunch of comments I felt didn’t deserve to be enspammed:  Their mutilation of the English language was far too priceless to be trashed.

Is Blogengine getting a big improve shortly? I hearken to that they were performing so to struggle off wordpress three.zero – simply curious once you had hearken to anything at all in any respect?

This was sent in from a concerned reader named MaleEnhancement Techniques.  I’m sorry your comment was sent to my spam folder, Mr. Techniques.  But I do consider your comment valuable.

I daresay BlogEngine will NOT be improved in the near future, because it does operate solely on proprietary software that is unlikely to be rewritten soon.  I haven’t hearkened anything in any respect to this, but it may be wise to watch this story progress.

Aw, this was a really nice post. In thought I wish to put in writing like this moreover – taking time and precise effort to make an excellent article… however what can I say… I procrastinate alot and certainly not appear to get one thing done.

Ah yes, Ms. NaturalSleepAids, I too often suffer from bouts of procrastination, although I daresay I don’t recall blogging about it. However, you bring up a valid point; readers may want to hear about my blogging techniques!

In honor of my commenters whose comments were too elaborate (read: long and convoluted) to include, instead, I have created a brief summary of their opinions of my writing style for you to enjoy.

…Enjoy.

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Yes, my fans: I do it all for you.  You’re right: “Orginalities is quit rare” on the internet, and “its n’t everyday where you all may find such gem of writes.” I thank you for your readership.

Credits:

Ms. NaturalSleepAides

Mr. MaleEnhancementTechniques

John Murray{getcialischeap}

candice reynolds from Nighty Buddies

Gugle Search Ngin

@&#$

Anony Mous

ForksInAToaster.blogger.com

EirCare Sleep Aides

Pagosapedalandpowder